Lucky Seven Family

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Happy National Siblings Day!

These lucky kids will have so many sibling memories!

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A post from my daughter!

Hi!! I’m Nerissa/ Mim’s (that’s what I call her) 11 year old daughter. I think that having a big family is really fun but sometimes a little chaotic! I mostly hangout with my 10 year old step sister ( she just turned 10 ) because my brother is with my older step brother. My brother also plays with the oldest kid out of the 7 of us. Everyone calls my step sister and I the little kids, but i don’t understand the name because i am taller than my OLDER step brother!! All in all, I love my family!

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Something to think about!

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Enjoying Life

I’m reading an interesting book by Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul.  Something that struck me and pertains to life in general, but also to living with a blended family (any family really!)… “Enjoy life instead of clinging to it or pushing it away” — so many times in my experience with blended family living, I have expected perfection – perfect behavior, perfect memories, perfect lives… maybe we should learn to just live it! Live the life we have, appreciate the life we have and those that are in it.  I’m striving to do this every day.  Let this post be a reminder to me to ENJOY LIFE!

Happy 2016!

Happy New Year from LuckySevenFamily!!!

I’ve been away from the blog but it’s time to come back.  Looking forward to sharing in 2016!

Teamwork!

Coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, working together is success.  — Henry Ford

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If My Mom Were…

If my mom were a tree she would be an oak.  She’s strong, beautiful, and healthy.

If my mom were a dessert she would be vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and a cherry.  She’s sweet, classic, but still pleases everybody.

If my mom were a chef she would be Rachel Ray.  She’s amazing, always gets the job done, and very creative.

If my mom were a coffee she would be a grande non-fat no whip mocha.  She’s energetic, sweet and loves Starbucks.

If my mom were a fruit she would be an apple.  She’s healthy, sweet, and bright.

If my mom had 5 kids and a husband named Russell she would be my amazing mom.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love, Elaina

My daughter wrote this for me in 2014.  It touches my heart in so many ways. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms and step-moms out there!!

 

Mother’s Day

There are a lot of emotions that come up in a blended family on Mother’s Day.  Every family has different circumstances that influence the relationship and resulting emotions that occur on Mother’s Day.  In our blended family the children all have an active, involved mother. My children have me, Russell’s children have their mother.  All of the kids get to see their moms consistently.  I can only write about my feelings and beliefs regarding being a step-mother to children that have an involved mom.  In addition, I do not live with my step-children on a regular basis (because Russell and I live in separate states and spend our weekends together, we do not regularly parent one another’s children).

I have no expectations that my step-children acknowledge me in any way on Mother’s Day.  One is for a practical reason, they are typically with their mother, not me, on Mother’s Day.  The other is because I AM NOT THEIR MOTHER!  In a situation where a child has a mother that is fully capable, I do not think it is necessary that the step-children identify a necessity to celebrate Mother’s Day with their step-mother.  Please do not get me wrong here… I am not suggesting that step-children don’t do things like:  treat their step-mother with respect and acknowledge their step-mother is a part of their life; working within the family dynamics to try to develop some formidable relationship.

One might ask if I think Russell should enable or aid his children in acknowledging me on Mother’s Day – buying me a card from them, sending flowers from them, etc.  I have no expectation for this; from him or the children.

Where does the husband of a mother come into play on Mother’s Day? – this is where I do see Russell’s role – with my children! I hope that Russell will help, remind, enable my children to get me a card, make me breakfast in bed, remember to say “Happy Mother’s Day”.  I also believe my ex-husband has a role in reminding the children about Mother’s Day.  Before I met Russell, before I was re-married, the ex-husband’s role was even more important – nothing extravagant expected but acknowledgement of an important day in their mother’s life is important – it’s about respect, it’s about teaching our children how to love, teaching them about relationships, teaching them about treating people the right way.

In blended families, step-families,  whatever you want to call them… it is about doing the right thing: Recognizing Mother’s Day IS the right thing to do for your children’s mother.

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Tuesday Tips – Showing You Care

Modern, blended families are not always easy to manage – if I told you it was always easy I would be lying!!

I’m always trying to think of ways to make sure we stay connected – connections for the kids, connections between step-parents and step-children, connections for the couple…

Making sure my step-children know I care about them is important to the success of our blended family.  What are ways that I try to show this?

  • ask about their activities (basketball, piano recital, Boy Scouts)
  • make THEIR favorite foods when we are together (and make sure they know you know it is their favorite!)
  • talking to only them; on their level, about what they care about in that moment
  • special birthday celebrations – even if it is a month after their birthday if that is what is required by our crazy schedules together!
  • sharing important moments – either in person, if possible or by social media, if necessary

Cherish your human connections- your relationships with friends and family      —Barbara Bush

How do you keep connected with your step-children? Share your ideas!!

Guilt

Guilt is a tough emotion with which to deal.  I struggle with guilt a lot! Feeling guilty that I am not spending enough time with my children, feeling guilty that I’m not giving more of myself to work, to my Girl Scout troop, guilty that the house is a mess, guilty that I didn’t get just one more project (at home, at work, anywhere!) accomplished.  Guilty that I’m not giving enough of myself to my wonderful husband and our blended family.

At some point, one has to decide what to do with this guilt… let it eat at you and stress you out or let it go!!

Recently I’ve been feeling an intense need to get away.  To spend some time alone thinking about me; who I am, what I want to be.  I’ve decided to go away to a retreat center for a weekend of yoga and meditation.  Making this really selfish weekend a priority came with many guilty feelings!  The decision to do it meant that I had to miss seeing Russell and his kids off for their winter break trip; disrupting our plan to see them the evening before they leave and not taking them to the airport for their flight. I felt guilty just breaking the news of my decision to spend a weekend alone instead of seeing him before his trip.

Enough already with the guilt! I cannot be my very best for our blended family unless I’m at my best.  Realizing what YOU need and what will make you better is an important step.  Realizing that you cannot give, and give, and give without burning out at some point is important.  My guilt was my own creation, my own problem!  Russell was very supportive of my decision; disappointed that we won’t get to spend an evening together (our evenings together are limited given our modern way of living in two states) but understanding.  No guilt created from him – only from myself.

I’m working on accepting me  — accepting that what I give is important, not always how much I give! So, enough with the guilt that I create for myself.  I’m working to let it go and not create more! It doesn’t serve me or my modern, blended family well!