Getting hung up on frustrating issues in a blended family is often easy. There are lots of difficult issues that you can focus on. If you live your life allowing every little thing to be problematic you are wasting precious moments. Take the time to decide what is worth your focus. What are the one or two key issues that are eating away at you? Hone in on the most important item… the one that puts your relationship at risk. Spend time with your partner on that issue and try to let the smaller ones fall away. It will be good for you and good for your blended family.
We have different agreements with ex-es regarding scheduling time with our kids. Okay, one of us actually has an “agreement” while the other has an order. Because my ex- and I schedule everything month-by-month to allow for maximum flexibility with work travel and evening events, as well as weekend needs, I usually have the leeway to accommodate Russell’s more strict schedule with his children.
Working to maximize our time together, this translates into my schedule being somewhat dictated by his custody agreement.
This irritates me. Why should I have to always be the one making concessions? Anger…
Then, something shakes me. Maybe it’s a slap across the face. I remember it could be so much worse. Flexibility is good!
We could be in a situation where both of us had court-ordered custody agreements and ex-es hell bent on making life as difficult as possible for our blended family. Many of you know what this is like; you know how it feels every day.
So, on the days that I get frustrated, I remind myself that flexibility is good. I say a quiet thank you to my ex for wanting what is best for our children.
Blending a family isn’t easy. Focusing on what is good is not always easy either – make it a habit. Make it your goal.
Key word – “parent”
Please, please remember that as the step-parent, you are the one with “parent” in your name. You are not the child. No matter how difficult it may be, remember to always be the adult in the relationship!
You are not the child, don’t act like one in the step-parent, step-child relationship!
“BE the adult!”
It’s birthday season for Lucky Seven Family. I won’t make any more comment about the timing except that summer and early fall were clearly popular times…
We do not always have Russell’s kids on their birthday weekends and we are not always all together on birthday weekends either. Regardless, we always make time to celebrate each child’s birthday with our blended family. Whether it be two weeks early or a month late, every child gets birthday cake (or cupcakes!) and gifts within our blended family.
These celebrations bring our blended family closer and let each child know they are special!